eat my words re: the MIL. She was exceptionally nice the other day. Scary. It makes me wonder what she is up to- all suspicious and all. But I'll take it for what it was worth.
I am sick so she made me homemade chicken soup. So wow. Shocking right?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
surely one would expect good behavior
at a church right?
If so then be prepared to be let down. ILs and Baptisms do not go well I guess. Yesterday was a family Baptism. Granted the last time I went to a Roman Catholic Church that was not for a wedding or other celebration was sometime longer ago than I can remember- but I would anticipate decorum at church.
There is always a bit of kerfuffle about the holidays as to who will spend which days where. This is common to a lot of families but in mine it is pretty intense as B is not there- he was mother-in-laws first born- and was having a hard time letting him go- and unfortunately her attachment has been transitioned to the kids. My parents live out of state and it is harder to get to see them. In addition- even within B's family there is a certain feeling of tug of war. B's mother's side versus his father's side- traditionally B's mother's side laid claim to Christmas eve and his father's side claimed Christmas day (both of which expected to maintain said claims even after B's marriage)This year to add some fun to the confusion both sides of B's family have decided to celebrate on Christmas eve. Great! Given my lack of enthusiasm surrounding going to his family with out help or an adequate defense system I am kind of nervous about braving it solo. Given that no one's house is even remotely child friendly.
Groundwork laid- at church surrounded by all sides of everyone's family and friends- Jewish, Christian, Catholic, Agnostic MILs starts loudly discussing Christmas Eve and loudly announces that with or without me she will pick the kids up on Christmas Eve and take them to her side's celebration. I felt lots of eyes on me eager to see my reaction. My initial admitted visceral reaction was to take her scarf and put it in her mouth and tell her in a not kind nor gentle way that we would discuss this later. Instead I tried to say that I had no idea what was going on this year.
I was exceptionally uncomfortable. It seems like a contest to see where we'll go year after year and where we do not go the 'losers' will be upset. I cannot win. It is this way for EVERY holiday and heaven forbid I would like to see my family. More drama.
Later at the party. B's aunt discretely said that if I wanted to go to their side's celebration that she would come to my house help get the kids ready drive with me then help me get them to bed later- a much less obtrusive solution.
If so then be prepared to be let down. ILs and Baptisms do not go well I guess. Yesterday was a family Baptism. Granted the last time I went to a Roman Catholic Church that was not for a wedding or other celebration was sometime longer ago than I can remember- but I would anticipate decorum at church.
There is always a bit of kerfuffle about the holidays as to who will spend which days where. This is common to a lot of families but in mine it is pretty intense as B is not there- he was mother-in-laws first born- and was having a hard time letting him go- and unfortunately her attachment has been transitioned to the kids. My parents live out of state and it is harder to get to see them. In addition- even within B's family there is a certain feeling of tug of war. B's mother's side versus his father's side- traditionally B's mother's side laid claim to Christmas eve and his father's side claimed Christmas day (both of which expected to maintain said claims even after B's marriage)This year to add some fun to the confusion both sides of B's family have decided to celebrate on Christmas eve. Great! Given my lack of enthusiasm surrounding going to his family with out help or an adequate defense system I am kind of nervous about braving it solo. Given that no one's house is even remotely child friendly.
Groundwork laid- at church surrounded by all sides of everyone's family and friends- Jewish, Christian, Catholic, Agnostic MILs starts loudly discussing Christmas Eve and loudly announces that with or without me she will pick the kids up on Christmas Eve and take them to her side's celebration. I felt lots of eyes on me eager to see my reaction. My initial admitted visceral reaction was to take her scarf and put it in her mouth and tell her in a not kind nor gentle way that we would discuss this later. Instead I tried to say that I had no idea what was going on this year.
I was exceptionally uncomfortable. It seems like a contest to see where we'll go year after year and where we do not go the 'losers' will be upset. I cannot win. It is this way for EVERY holiday and heaven forbid I would like to see my family. More drama.
Later at the party. B's aunt discretely said that if I wanted to go to their side's celebration that she would come to my house help get the kids ready drive with me then help me get them to bed later- a much less obtrusive solution.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
What Planet Is She From???
This occurred before she was my mother-in-law for clarification sake- but it still was pretty out there:
One morning my boyfriend and I were at his house and we decided to go out for breakfast. Trying to be nice to his mother, we decided to invite her, on the notion that we were going to be together for a while it would be best if we could all get along. She accepted the invitation.
We went to a local place and after we were seated she began ignoring me. Which at first bothered me, then enraged me as I listened to the conversation. She was trying to set up my boyfriend with other women- while I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE! She knew we had been dating for a while and were 'serious'.
It took everything I had not to yell or smack her. That incident however was an excellent indicator for the rest of my relationship with my mother-in-law.
One morning my boyfriend and I were at his house and we decided to go out for breakfast. Trying to be nice to his mother, we decided to invite her, on the notion that we were going to be together for a while it would be best if we could all get along. She accepted the invitation.
We went to a local place and after we were seated she began ignoring me. Which at first bothered me, then enraged me as I listened to the conversation. She was trying to set up my boyfriend with other women- while I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE! She knew we had been dating for a while and were 'serious'.
It took everything I had not to yell or smack her. That incident however was an excellent indicator for the rest of my relationship with my mother-in-law.
Friday, December 4, 2009
You know
a few years ago when I would tell about my looney in-laws my friends would say "come one they can't be that bad" or something like it- then they got to know them- and they are. Now my friends listen and laugh to the stories that my in laws provide. A few of them actually regale their friends with the antics of my in-laws. Mostly receiving a 'what is wrong' with them response when some of their peculiarities are exposed.
So I am not being overly harsh- they are just strange!!!
So I am not being overly harsh- they are just strange!!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Same song, second verse...
My in-laws live in another state. In fact they live several states away. And I rather enjoy that distance... it helps us stay on good terms. Unfortunately, there is one time of the year when I HATE this distance. And that time is in 23 days.
Every year, we go through the same discussion. BigGuy and I have been married for over 7 years now, and we've explained the game plan every.single.year.
Each year, we switch off families for Christmas. Last year, we went to my in-laws' home for Christmas. This year, we'll be here with my family. In my mind, it's the only way we can keep things "fair" for the grandparents, as far as letting them get equal amounts of Christmas morning wonder.
Every year, one of the mothers pouts because she doesn't get to be with the kids ON Christmas day. Now, a logical person (usually BigGuy) would recommend that we all spend Christmas together. But that will not work, because my mom doesn't like to share. She also runs with scissors, and abhors other lessons we normally learn in Kindergarten. So every year, I look like the jerk who refuses to mix families. And every year I have to talk a pouting grandmother off a proverbial ledge because it's not "her year."
You wouldn't think the people I have to tell to grow up would be the adults.
Every year, we go through the same discussion. BigGuy and I have been married for over 7 years now, and we've explained the game plan every.single.year.
Each year, we switch off families for Christmas. Last year, we went to my in-laws' home for Christmas. This year, we'll be here with my family. In my mind, it's the only way we can keep things "fair" for the grandparents, as far as letting them get equal amounts of Christmas morning wonder.
Every year, one of the mothers pouts because she doesn't get to be with the kids ON Christmas day. Now, a logical person (usually BigGuy) would recommend that we all spend Christmas together. But that will not work, because my mom doesn't like to share. She also runs with scissors, and abhors other lessons we normally learn in Kindergarten. So every year, I look like the jerk who refuses to mix families. And every year I have to talk a pouting grandmother off a proverbial ledge because it's not "her year."
You wouldn't think the people I have to tell to grow up would be the adults.
Monday, November 30, 2009
What do you bring to Thanksgiving
Mashed potatoes? The casserole with the fried onions on top? Pie? Me- Tylenol and Advil. Yes- both. One is an analgesic and one is an anti-inflammatory (I am still working on figuring a way to use it on some people's opinions though). However- both are necessary. Or wine- or all of the above depending on the number of hours that we will be attending.
There are the obligatory greetings and hugs- and I am a tactile person- I like to be touched but not by my ILs. Then the kids go play with their cousins and they are at a great age; the older cousins have a slightly god-like status in the kids mind. Inevitably it gets loud (duh). Then the complaints start: "we have no pictures", "we never see you", or the comments "she is all B" etc. I bite my tongue- sometimes until it bleeds (hence pain killers). Then the cousins take the kids for a walk. Then more comments- "peace at last"- said by the same person who complained about not seeing us (At this I pour a glass of wine and smile).
Oh well.
There are the obligatory greetings and hugs- and I am a tactile person- I like to be touched but not by my ILs. Then the kids go play with their cousins and they are at a great age; the older cousins have a slightly god-like status in the kids mind. Inevitably it gets loud (duh). Then the complaints start: "we have no pictures", "we never see you", or the comments "she is all B" etc. I bite my tongue- sometimes until it bleeds (hence pain killers). Then the cousins take the kids for a walk. Then more comments- "peace at last"- said by the same person who complained about not seeing us (At this I pour a glass of wine and smile).
Oh well.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
More gift drama
Gratitude is a hard 'skill' to teach. Harder than empathy I think. My lovely ILs do not make it any easier.
When they see the kids the like to give the kids something- which is really sweet- but they get the kids things that are inappropriate.
Just last weekend they got my five year old a board book- you know like for toddlers. She is five- she can read- we have read "Little House on the Prairie" "The Secret Garden" and the like. A board book is a little well baby-ish. Which is exactly what my five year old said. She seemed a little insulted that my in laws thought that she would like this book.
In all honestly my mother-in-law is one of the least skilled gifters- from giving things that I am deathly allergic to- to just bad taste- we have had some interesting gifts. A ten pound brass maltese cross comes to mind. I am still looking for a nice way to just tell them to please skip the gift giving- save their money or give it to charity.
In this situation I thanked the in-laws and tried to subtly explain that it is polite to thank the gift giver; later after the in-laws left I tried to nicely say that sometimes people do give us things that they think we would like but we really don't- that it is still nice to thank them and appreciate the fact that they thought of you.
When they see the kids the like to give the kids something- which is really sweet- but they get the kids things that are inappropriate.
Just last weekend they got my five year old a board book- you know like for toddlers. She is five- she can read- we have read "Little House on the Prairie" "The Secret Garden" and the like. A board book is a little well baby-ish. Which is exactly what my five year old said. She seemed a little insulted that my in laws thought that she would like this book.
In all honestly my mother-in-law is one of the least skilled gifters- from giving things that I am deathly allergic to- to just bad taste- we have had some interesting gifts. A ten pound brass maltese cross comes to mind. I am still looking for a nice way to just tell them to please skip the gift giving- save their money or give it to charity.
In this situation I thanked the in-laws and tried to subtly explain that it is polite to thank the gift giver; later after the in-laws left I tried to nicely say that sometimes people do give us things that they think we would like but we really don't- that it is still nice to thank them and appreciate the fact that they thought of you.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Age-Appropriate Gifting
Each year I'm amazed at the gifts my in-law give my kids. Without fail they're not only inappropriate for their age, but sometimes unsafe. For Bean's second Christmas (she was just over a year), my in-laws gave her a porcelain flowery tool set. Not a toy one... one that an adult woman (albeit no self-respecting woman) would own. Because nothing says "perfect for a child that's almost walking" like hard metal tools with breakable handles.
At her third Christmas, she received a very fragile tea set. You know, at the age where they like to bang things repeatedly on hard surfaces.
So I'm a little nervous to see what will be under the tree this year. Perhaps a box of dynamite? Baby's first BB gun?
Welcome!
Welcome to our blog! While I've been blessed with a fairly sane mother-in-law, she occasionally provides entertaining stories. However, I know LOTS of people who have certifiable in-laws. And I look forward to seeing some of their crazier stories here!
Feel free to keep your posts anonymous... which I intend to do. No, my daughters are not really named Bean and Squish. I would need to be a celebrity to have that "unique" of taste.
I hope we provide some laughter, and show you that you're not alone!
~ Imperfect Mama
seeking contributions!
In light of the holiday drama that has already started with my in-laws---
One of my best friends and I have decided to start a new blog: Strange (crazy) In-Law Stories
Of course in my tenure in the H family my in-laws have provided me with a lot of laughable and frustrating moments- but I'd like to have lots of contributions from people.
email me/post here (somewhatsinglemama@gmail.com) stories of crazy in law antics. You can remain anonymous if your like or you can give me an address and I'll link back to you.
Share the in law holiday joy (and frustration/irritation) with everyone!
Edit/Delete Message
In light of the holiday drama that has already started with my in-laws---
One of my best friends and I have decided to start a new blog: Strange (crazy) In-Law Stories
Of course in my tenure in the H family my in-laws have provided me with a lot of laughable and frustrating moments- but I'd like to have lots of contributions from people.
email me/post here (somewhatsinglemama@gmail.com) stories of crazy in law antics. You can remain anonymous if your like or you can give me an address and I'll link back to you.
Share the in law holiday joy (and frustration/irritation) with everyone!
Edit/Delete Message
I'll start
Of course husband is not going to be at Christmas this year; given the strain of the relationship between my in-laws and I- I do not feel comfortable going to their celebration with out him (I know I'll have to get over it but give me some time here- like more than a year)
Mother-in-law (MIL) graciously offered to pick up the kids on Christmas Eve and take them to their house.... (umm yeah ok- sure like I'll be ok with that).
It is CHRISTMAS EVE! I want to be with my kids- ideally in a place that I am not insanely uncomfortable. So no-thanks I'll pass. Which will start WWIII in my family- ILs will be more than welcome to come over and visit- but they are not taking my kids anywhere- sorry.
Mother-in-law (MIL) graciously offered to pick up the kids on Christmas Eve and take them to their house.... (umm yeah ok- sure like I'll be ok with that).
It is CHRISTMAS EVE! I want to be with my kids- ideally in a place that I am not insanely uncomfortable. So no-thanks I'll pass. Which will start WWIII in my family- ILs will be more than welcome to come over and visit- but they are not taking my kids anywhere- sorry.
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