Can't Handle It.

It is no secret that that my ILs and I do not always get along.

Lately it was getting better. I was getting along well making conversation. Yes, I have been pretty sick.

Yesterday though they took several giant steps back in my appreciation for them. They may as well have been running backwards.

Every year I have a joint party for my two oldest's birthdays for the family. Weekends in the summer are a hot commodity for everyone and to take two weekend days up so close together did not seem fair.

Anyhow.

We got about six inches of rain the night before the party. The yard was flooded. We got some water in the basement- not a lot but enough to be a pain. A lot of people had it a lot worse and streets and expressways were closed all over the area. Understandably- a lot of people had to cancel coming to the party. They called and we carried on making plans to get together in the coming week.

My mom is super lady. She was coming back from her trip to Iowa to see her family and she still made it. She had to drive through the rain and the flooding to get here. My sister flooded and she made it. My brother tried to leave early but got stuck- he called and apologized- and made plans to come out next weekend.
My friends were bailing out their basement and called- and we'll get together with them soon.

ILs?? nope. They did not get water- but could not deal with the traffic to get here. So they did not come. Who does that? Who blows of their grandchildren's party because they couldn't deal with traffic? My ILs.

The same people who could not find Costco to pick up the cake (when they asked what they could bring we asked them to swing by Costco they couldn't find it... WTF?)

So it was kind of a good thing that they did not make it. I was able to take my pain pills without worrying about losing my 'filter' of what to say or not say.

MIL also called brother in law and told him not to come- she indicated that she would tell us he was not going to come- she never told us.

so yah. They are FAB

Dinner and a show

Shortly after we had our daughter. The ILs came by to visit. Great right? You obviously have not met them. I was trapped with MIL. I ended up sitting on the slate floor of the kitchen as I was trapped in there. FIL parked himself on the couch and commandeered the remote and began flipping channels. No one was involved with welcoming the new addition.

Here is where their tackiness shows through. I was preparing dinner for my family and MIL casually asked what was for dinner. I replied that I was making chicken. She told me to make sure not to overcook it as dry chicken makes her nauseous. Oh they were staying to eat?? Really? Shocking.

Paging DCFS...

I have a physical condition that leaves me in extreme pain most days, and fairly incapacitated every morning. I still manage to go about my day, but some mornings it takes me longer than usual to be functional. Yesterday, unfortunately, was one of those mornings.

Both of my daughters have a flair for technology, but Bean was the one to cause trouble this particular day. She snagged my cell phone and called my Mother-In-Law (MIL) before I was awake. MIL took this to mean that I let my children roam the house for hours unobserved. Undoubtedly while leaving sharp knives and lethal medications within reach. Never mind that my children are well-fed, smart, clean and well-behaved. Nor that our home is child-proofed, and we take the necessary precautions to protect Bean in the event she DOES wake up before us. All of that was brushed aside in her judgment of the situation.

In a panic, she demanded that we leave the kids in a daycare between when BigGuy goes to work, and when I am able to move freely. BigGuy leaves at 4:30 am... before any daycares around us open. So we've already reached our first problem. Due to my condition, I'm also unable to work full-time, so finances are another issue. However, in MIL's opinion, that was not a determining factor, and she was not offering to help foot the bill. Apparently I'm supposed to go work a corner to bring in some extra money.

I so badly want to remind her of the two-week vacation she and FIL took when BigGuy and his sister were in high school. She left them home alone, and BigGuy threw a raging kegger. "Hello Kettle? This is Pot. You're black."

I am sorry you want WHAT???

My in laws are not bad people in the sense of well evil- they are however a bit clueless.

Growing up I called only teachers by Mr. or Mrs. my parents friends were always first names- my friends parents were first names. The entire Mrs./Mr. concept is foreign and very strange to me.

My parents called their in-laws by their first names- as Mr. or Mrs. So and so. Was a bit ridiculous and well- they are not their parents. So it was baffling to me that my in-laws- after having a contentious relationship wanted me to call them either Mr. and Mrs. or Mom and Dad.

You would have had to pick my confused jaw off of the ground. I was more confused than I could explain- Mr. and Mrs. Really? I married your son which in the legal sense makes us family. I am the mother of your grandchildren- and you want formality?

Because my parents and I have been through so much together- I feel that it would be disingenuous to call anyone but them by 'mom' and 'dad'.

They are the 'show respect to your elders' set and I am decidedly of the set that 'respect is earned not given' (basic respect is inherent to all people regardless of age-but above and beyond- is earned). I do not feel compelled to respect someone just because they have lived longer than I have- congratulations- your birthday cake requires a fire department standby- I respect you? Makes no sense. Also- the use of titles how does that indicate respect? Respect- I think is much better shown in other ways.

But still Mr. and Mrs. or Mom and Dad... talk about a dichotomy.

I may have to

eat my words re: the MIL. She was exceptionally nice the other day. Scary. It makes me wonder what she is up to- all suspicious and all. But I'll take it for what it was worth.

I am sick so she made me homemade chicken soup. So wow. Shocking right?

surely one would expect good behavior

at a church right?

If so then be prepared to be let down. ILs and Baptisms do not go well I guess. Yesterday was a family Baptism. Granted the last time I went to a Roman Catholic Church that was not for a wedding or other celebration was sometime longer ago than I can remember- but I would anticipate decorum at church.

There is always a bit of kerfuffle about the holidays as to who will spend which days where. This is common to a lot of families but in mine it is pretty intense as B is not there- he was mother-in-laws first born- and was having a hard time letting him go- and unfortunately her attachment has been transitioned to the kids. My parents live out of state and it is harder to get to see them. In addition- even within B's family there is a certain feeling of tug of war. B's mother's side versus his father's side- traditionally B's mother's side laid claim to Christmas eve and his father's side claimed Christmas day (both of which expected to maintain said claims even after B's marriage)This year to add some fun to the confusion both sides of B's family have decided to celebrate on Christmas eve. Great! Given my lack of enthusiasm surrounding going to his family with out help or an adequate defense system I am kind of nervous about braving it solo. Given that no one's house is even remotely child friendly.

Groundwork laid- at church surrounded by all sides of everyone's family and friends- Jewish, Christian, Catholic, Agnostic MILs starts loudly discussing Christmas Eve and loudly announces that with or without me she will pick the kids up on Christmas Eve and take them to her side's celebration. I felt lots of eyes on me eager to see my reaction. My initial admitted visceral reaction was to take her scarf and put it in her mouth and tell her in a not kind nor gentle way that we would discuss this later. Instead I tried to say that I had no idea what was going on this year.

I was exceptionally uncomfortable. It seems like a contest to see where we'll go year after year and where we do not go the 'losers' will be upset. I cannot win. It is this way for EVERY holiday and heaven forbid I would like to see my family. More drama.

Later at the party. B's aunt discretely said that if I wanted to go to their side's celebration that she would come to my house help get the kids ready drive with me then help me get them to bed later- a much less obtrusive solution.

What Planet Is She From???

This occurred before she was my mother-in-law for clarification sake- but it still was pretty out there:

One morning my boyfriend and I were at his house and we decided to go out for breakfast. Trying to be nice to his mother, we decided to invite her, on the notion that we were going to be together for a while it would be best if we could all get along. She accepted the invitation.

We went to a local place and after we were seated she began ignoring me. Which at first bothered me, then enraged me as I listened to the conversation. She was trying to set up my boyfriend with other women- while I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE! She knew we had been dating for a while and were 'serious'.

It took everything I had not to yell or smack her. That incident however was an excellent indicator for the rest of my relationship with my mother-in-law.